Poetic moments

Wanderings of light and dark and true and deep and never sure but always real. So much gratitude for the freedom to say so.

It’s been awhile since I’ve touched a brush to a page and let my heart spill through color into the world.  Sometimes in my Yoga practice I am so taken by the amount of love pressing through me into a vast fullness of stars and people and galaxies, and I wonder why it’s so easy to stumble over these little things that show up on this winding path of living.  I think expressing art, on a screen like this or on a page with a brush or however you choose to show your love and intrigue, is the most natural way to check back IN with the center that leads and guides and re-minds us what is True.  And what is true is all of it, right?  The questions of a human stumbling along, the flight of an angel expanding through a star, the meandering of an ant taking over the world…

I wonder how to love a little more fully in a world where we are taught to close our doors.  We are taught to follow along, or if not then to watch our backs because stepping out of line is a big steady risk… But the act of Love is worth it.  It’s what makes us happy, and so much more aLive!  Alive.  We are just so blessed to feel blood moving slowly and swiftly through the highways of our veins, absorbing our slow deep breaths and feeding our minds to witness Color, children, clouds, curbs.  It’s all really amazing to wander through and touch with your heart, consider your capacity to Love.

Why do we forget?  Why get caught up in social games and concerns?  Why not re-member that feeling of being a child exploring a new place to play and dream, why not write a new Now to Fall in Love with all over again?  Why not take the time to put Color to the page, in the midst of busy moments or instead of the drone of a hypnotizing electric box or page?  Why not take a deep breath and think of how grateful you are to be able to Read, to Love, to Breathe all on your own?  Life is a Gift of a magnitude we so quickly forget.

Thank you for living here with me, in this palace of curiosity, on this globe of inhales and exhales.

I sank into my couch and felt that question in my heart.
Is it better to live or to die?
My heart floats on the ocean of love pondering.

Is this moment of incredible sensation and bodily relaxation something I will miss for an eternity?
Or not?

I suspect the universe is wired for more.
My being is wired for more.
My body is a temporary phenomenon, and one I can savor but will not miss.

What will death be then?
An end or a beginning?
A knowing or a question?

A mind or a freedom?
A love or a letting?
Will all the pleasures I’ve known in body hold a candle to the surrender to that flame?

And this moment, I know I am in love.
In love with flesh, and blood, and stars.
In love with you, your heart, your mind.

Longing to better understand
The sound that the lives grace.
Loving that I can feel it right now, even if death becomes me in the very next moment.

What is regret, and why give it a home?
Does it season me in ways that live deeper?
Am I missing something important if I choose not?

What is hope, and why not give it a home?
Am I a fool to believe that beauty is everywhere?
Am I a fool to love the light and the dark?

I think we are more than all this.
I believe in amazing grace carrying me on her current.
Can you trust her for a moment, enough to enjoy the ride?

It’s time to practice and a part of me resists… lingers in the comfort of a couch in the morning, thinking of tea and some tasty food, and maybe practice later….

It’s time to practice and a part of me opens… longs for the sweet feelings that arise because of giving so much…

It’s time to recognize the face that I so often hide, the revelation of my beauty that cannot be missed when I give everything to that forward bend.  Everything inside me shaking, longing, aroused, exhausted, strong, steady, loving in ways that blow the world wide open.

It’s time to love every cell of my body and listen to the hum of truth coursing through me.  It’s time to press the intensity of my everything into my deep devotion for a universe of light, and imagine that I know how it feels to love every speck of starfire and stardust completely.

It’s time to listen to her voice and be thankful for the only true Yoga teacher I believe in.

It’s time to listen to my voice and be thankful for this opportunity to radiate so strong I may explode into bliss.  If I do not return, I am only freed into love.

It’s time to love my practice as tenderly, fully, and devotedly as I love my lover.

It’s time to embrace all edges with the fullness of breath and surrender to the journey as I am swallowed by the love that burns stars.

It’s time to practice, and just before or after the explosion happens I am softened into a puddle of grace, perfectly knowing the pool of light that lives me.  The moments of softening after the edge, the moments of near madness leading to brilliance, bring me back to this mat every day.  Linger my love across a page…  Linger my heart in the center of the universe…. And linger my heart, my legs, my self longing for more.  And appreciating what has been done.

At the end of it all, I am fully enveloped in the reward of the deepest, softest and strongest forward bend.  Thank Sofia for making me stay there for so long.

At the end of it all, I slowly move, fully renewed.  High on the fullness and beauty of a body, a mind, a heart, a spirit, that has pressed everything into a mat yet again.

Pressed everything as love into a world again, into the cosmos yet again.

Pressed my deepest love into the very fibers of my body, and emerge consumed by the love that lives me.

How can I love the world even more deeply?

It’s time to practice.

I can’t imagine how much beauty must exist in this world.  It’s overflowing.  How can we miss it, ever?  I know we do miss it often, just don’t see it in the most mundane of places, but how can that be?  A paradise of misery and love and curiosity acting through every form we encounter…

I just heard that Mars is now going out of retrograde, after being retrograde for a very long time.  I don’t know much about it, but I can tell you that I am thankful for the stars and what they are bringing right now.

When I started this blog a few weeks ago, it was because I woke up one day feeling something stirring in me that I hadn’t felt in ages, but used to always be there.  What is it?  I have no idea, but I am quite clear that when I was a kid I called it the Holy Spirit, and as an adult I always assumed it was just that flow of divine grace that illuminates every one of our lives.  It’s not that it has ever been gone, but it kicked back up a notch about then… like a knock on the door inside my head sweetly but strongly calling me to wake back up…

This Mars retrograde thing… maybe someone will leave a comment and tell us about it.  Maybe it has made lots of work for me in the challenging ways, maybe not.  I do know that I have never been so happy for spring.  Every few days a new view of stunning clarity that I had been missing before.  Suddenly those things that have been spinning around reminding me of the humbling sides of being human, have started to fall away and become a garden of clear pathways and I can look up and see entire mountains that were missing just days ago.  Life is so beautiful.

What is the first thing you think of when you wake up?  Do you notice how beautiful this world is?  Can you feel deep inside you that the day is amazing, and the world around you is welcoming you?  Do you smile?  If not, I highly recommend these practices.  Over the last few years I have been shaken out of these most simple morning experiences by a series of moves and changing of daily patterns.  While my days are still filled with beauty, I realize that my morning moments have shifted a bit, and I am so glad to invite them back.  We can all benefit by a few moments of pure unrestricted gratitude to start the day.  Sometimes as I woke feeling all warm and fuzzy about living in such beauty, I would begin to imagine the day ahead of me.  Now at these times, my days were crazy too – not tranquil like my old mountain homes, but bustling with madness as I drove into the the cities.  So I would just scan over the day and imagine it filled with good things and graceful flow pervading my day.  It would be hard to now convince me that these moments didn’t improve the quality of my days.  I think I’ll do it tomorrow.  How about you?

We are so fortunate to have this gift of choice.  No matter what we are stuck in, we can make small important choices to change the situation for the better.  For me, the most important thing is to make time for the practices that make me feel good.  No matter what is going on or how urgent it is, I can always take time – even if only a few minutes – and come back to my center.  Life can be full, and brutal, and can kick your ass at every corner.  And it is the perfect school to keep finding the path back to your personal love.  That love that emanates from feeling good in your own heart, your own body, your own wandering mind, your own gentle and strong spirit.  And this path is the hardest to find when we get stuck in our own stories about what is important, and shoulds verses choices.  The idea that there is no time for any practice… the lack of motivation.  Motivation comes from action too.  Beginning it will bring the motivation.  It’s a choice.  A choice to fall into that love inside you… that love that bursts through you as a kid, and just wants to fall all over you and your life as an adult… despite popular belief.  That love that existed before you were told you are imperfect.  But hey, maybe you are perfect after all….  A perfect expression of life looking out into possibility, and looking in to find that infinite reservoir of love that lifts your smile another notch…

I love you so deeply it’s almost painful to feel my gratitude, just to know you are sitting here and maybe feeling something sweet inside, pressing your heart and mind out in the world through your body, gracing these words with your eyes or ears… It’s a favorite thing to love humanity this deeply… whether for a moment or a lifetime… to feel flesh in love with all that flesh yearning to express and find truth around the corner…. before we all find it was inside all along….

Trying to think about the why and the ties and truth behind actions, seeking motivation and delayed by inspiration and playing with the madness of the perfect moments passing by….

Grateful to be humbled and bumbled and blessed and tripped over the biggest boulder I’ve seen and fell flat on my face and then rose up from the ground like a vine climbing the most divine arm into the sky….

It could have been easier or faster or brighter or more fun. It could have been hell on wheels, or hell on broken feet walking slowly. But it was what it was and I’m glad it’s behind. But even moreso I’m so glad it was…. painful, heart opening by ripping me open, brightening my insides by bleaching them out… but maybe it was a reminder, of what I came to do. A tug on the sleeve to urge out of the blissful world into a crawl through another face of truth. A chance to once again reconcile the ugly with the beautiful, and see the places in me that were available for torture….

Thanks for helping me to clean them out. And brighten my smile. A layer deeper, a whole lot clearer, walking a little taller, 20 pounds lighter, my soul is glad. My heart is more glad. Life is good. Even after the rug was pulled out from under my trust…

Falling deeper into bliss again, trusting the new wave of life that ebbs back through my skin, pleasing, touching, radiating like the light that lives me and drives me to touch you and wish that you are all the light that I see in your eyes as you read… this…

What a beautiful journey… Incredible, reverent, honest, and perfect to the last point of healing… always happening.

You are so beautiful.  Can you feel it??  Do you breathe it boldly?